There have been countless times lately that after she shared her stories, I framed my empathetic speculation which perfectly described how she was feeling, only to realize those words would describe me just as accurately. Though remotely a fresh thing to know, I'd actually almost forgotten how close we're in terms of life philosophy, values and attitude— so close that it once got a bit boring to chat— ever since I left Madison three years ago and she remained there.
We first knew each other through my sister because they were of the same age and in the same class. We had long heard about each other in school, but it was only until she joined our secondary school's debate team that we talked for the first time. It had been a relief after she joined— that I no longer had to fight the orthodox but flawed standpoints by the coaches alone. Both of us were into writing, and we wrote some of the most indecipherable passages, yet which the other could connect to. (Honestly, I think she connected to mine much more than I to hers as she is more of an alien.) It had been even more of a comfort that those deep subtle shits that we wrote could finally meet the eyes of empathy and feel understood.
There wasn't much time before I graduated and went into INTI International University under sponsorship for a year and a half. Close to the last bit of my stay there, she followed my footsteps in, unplanned yet in the same exact way. It was the first time we crossed each other in more of a personal way; we'd had deep sharing of thoughts but the physical boundary of school environment and uniform couldn't feel the same.
Again I then left INTI for the States, briefly after reunion. But then again she followed my footsteps in the third year, to the very same awesome grand University of Wisconsin-Madison as a new born badger. As planned, we made each other housemates and she had the room next to mine— this is important as she had to tolerate my amazing singing voice at all time and my occasional groans when I sang off key, let alone the random weird faces I would knock her door just to show to her during whatever random bizarre mood I had. Hahaha pardon my peculiarity.
But to my regret, our personal life modes didn't click much. In the beginning of the year I had done pretty many petty-looking stuff, and for the soul connection I insisted we had, I was stupid and stubborn to resist explaining for the rising tension. After all, our understanding of each other at that time was deep but incomplete; we knew each other like we knew ourselves in philosophical and intellectual terms, but barely in social terms. There were edges and collisions that set us slightly apart. Certainly we didn't (and wouldn't) break; we just didn't end up enjoying each other's companion as much as I wished we would.
Then the few months before I flew back, she became my savior. At the nadir of my life, she initiated a turning point of my life by forcing me watch a short clip of "The Secret". "Your life couldn't be worse than now, could it? No harm watching it," she said. It then made the beginning of my new life. She was the beginning of my new life. Not many in life had my trust to be able to effect an unconditional persuasion in me. She was one of the very few. Later on in my life, I introduced it to a friend at his bottom of life, who in turn helped me go through my next dark period by reminding me of it. She didn't only tell me of "The Secret"; it could have been convincing only because of her.
"Soulmate"
I don't know when we started using this word to describe each other. When I was in Form 5 and she was in Form 3? As time passes and I've seen more of the world, it perplexes me how horribly similar we have been in dealing with lives. The despair we once suffered, the lie-free self understanding, the deviant nonconformist takes on issue, the life/world we anticipate, the lens of perception we put on, the inner sentiments and desires, our attitudes on life misery, our mental strength etc. What's more is when our fate somewhat also went synchronized at different times. More than once I have dearly felt that there's a mysterious string in the universe tying us up, or that we simply have the identical brain wiring to have all those oddities in place.
Now, she is blessed to be with her right man, who is just right for her about almost everything. Imagine the likelihood of such a uni-cellular, crazy, fucked-up, bizarre, unique entity meeting someone who matches her up close to perfection by nature instead of by compromise. I see their encounter as one of the best gift in the universe. And secretly mine as well, because I've always been drawing lights from them for faith.
Things do get slow and bumpy at different times across life. Welcome to your 25th year of challenges and surprises, my dearest unicell mate.
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Love love love. So precisely and concisely written. I can't thank the Universe enough to bring us together, you have been my rock and my compass all these years and I am so so so grateful. My life wouldn't be as blessed without you; you are a huge part of the reasons why I can be who I am today. I look forward to witnessing ourselves evolving into better people in the years to come. I love you so damn much ♥ -欣柔
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